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Dear Annie: I’ve known this “Henry” guy for about six years now. We never had the right timing and we cheated on our loved ones with each other. When I was single he was not, and vice versa. Now I am in a healthy and happy relationship. Henry and I are still talking, and it’s hard to let him go. He had a hard time letting me go too.
I used to believe that I was in love with him and I still have feelings for him. His attitude has changed over the past year. He was very nice and asks me what I want in the future. We both want the same things in life. We share the same interests and we get along very well. He makes me feel differently from any other man. He asked me to run away with him and start a life together in a new state. I don’t know if he would go all the way. It is very spontaneous but also flaky.
However, my current boyfriend, “Mason”, has been there for me through a crazy and difficult time. Mason is also very kind and he helped me a lot to grow as a person. He lives with me, and we want the same things in life. Mason would do anything for me to make sure that I am happy in the relationship. We communicate well and haven’t had any problems yet.
I don’t want to make a stupid choice and regret everything. If I leave Mason, I don’t think there is going back. But I’m afraid I always wonder what the hell happened with Henry. – Love dilemma in Vermont
Dear Dilemma: I don’t know how happy and healthy your current relationship is if you still covet Henry. Ask yourself if what you are feeling is more desire or love for Henry – and Mason – and this will give you your answer.
Lust wears off over time, while love persists. Whether Henry or Mason is more in love or wanting is a question you need to ask yourself. Start by asking, “How do I feel when I’m with this person?” Remember, if Henry cheated on others, he is likely to cheat on you.
Dear Annie: My mother-in-law puts her husband first in her family. Her moods and feelings dictate everything in this house. Therefore, their children – my husband and his sister – do not know how to assert themselves in their relationships. They don’t know how to sort out their true feelings.
They weren’t allowed to disagree during their first few years at home. It almost destroyed her sister, and it caused problems in our marriage, which luckily we overcame. But the main thing is that they haven’t learned to have a good relationship with themselves.
Putting yourself last is not always holy, nor always healthy, for you and your family. – Sad observer
Dear sad observer: Your letter brings a good lesson to life. If your own personal and emotional mug is not full, how can you fill other people’s mugs? The answer is, you can’t. Take the time each day to fill your own cup when you can. Some good manners are taking walks with friends, praying or meditating, taking long relaxing baths, writing a journal, singing a song you like, or spending time in nature.
View previous columns “Dear Annie”
Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected]. To learn more about Annie Lane and read articles from other Creators Syndicate columnists and designers, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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