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Over the past few weeks, the Utahns have been spooked by haunting appearances and illusions – emanating mostly from Washington, DC But it’s Halloween too this weekend. Our politicians love free gifts even more than the rest of us. We’ve used various artificial intelligence algorithms to figure out what costumes they’ll wear when scouting for treats and threatening tricks.
Govt. Spencer cox will be dressed as Ted lasso the football coach has become the director of football. (For those of you who don’t have Apple TV, this award-winning fictional character is beloved by viewers for his incredible ability to always be positive and upbeat and turn enemies into friends.)
The Lieutenant Governor. Dihedral Henderson will be Wonder woman as she uses her magic lasso to surround these pesky people who claim voting irregularities.
The Independent constituency commission members (those to the left of center) will be dressed like the dysfunctional Bad News Bears baseball team trying to grab attention while irritating incumbent lawmakers.
The other members of the redistribution commission (those on the right of the center) will be dressed as farmers and cowboys, stressing that each congressional district must include a large rural component.
Representing. Steve christiansen and his fellow electoral fraud contenders will be disguised as Scooby Doo and the Mystery Inc. gang, having fun searching for any evidence of any electoral scam in Utah.
Presidents of legislative redistribution Sen. Scott sandall be p. Paul ray will be wearing railroad engineer caps which means the carving locomotive is hurtling down the track and you better get on board or get run over.
Members of Congress Chris stewart and Blake moore will each wear military uniforms to help convince the redistribution committee that both should have part of Hill Air Force Base in their new districts.
President Joe biden Casper will be the nice ghost because he’s nice. The Utahns don’t like his politics, but he has a nice smile.
Former president Donald trump will wear the michael myers hockey mask, the villain in many “Halloween” movies, hoping to terrorize the Liberals in an upcoming sequel.
Senator Mike lee will be disguised as the Norse god Thor, so he can use the Big Hammer to smash liberals, big tech companies, and those who break the Constitution.
Independent candidate for the US Senate Evan mcmullin will be dressed as Don Quixote (no further explanation needed).
The announcement of the main candidates of the parties opposed to Senator Lee (Becky Edwards, Ally Isom, Nick Mitchell, Austin Searle, Allen Glines) will be dressed like the 1969 Miracle Mets in the hope that wonderful things will actually happen.
Attorney General Sean reyes will disguise himself as Teddy Roosevelt, the “Trust Trickster”, mirroring his attempts to dismantle Big Tech.
Mayor of Salt Lake City Erin mendenhall will wear the mask of diplomat Henry Kissinger, representing his ability to keep left-wing city council members and voters happy, while balancing the control of conservative lawmakers.
Congressman Burgess owens will wear a teflon suit. Apparently the attacks on him – or even the comments he made – bounce back harmlessly.
Senator Mitt Romney will return as the Dark Knight – mysterious in his own way but trying to instill common sense in the dark halls of the nation’s Capitol.
Mayor of Salt Lake County Jenny wilson will resume the habit of nun of Mother Teresa, demonstrating her concern for those affected by the pandemic while hoping to shame the leaders of the state.
Congressman John curtis is the Plastic Man superhero, able to span across state and political alleys to prevent global warming and protect states’ rights to public lands.
House tenant Brad Wilson will wear the habit of Atlas, the demigod, assuming the multitude of requests for appropriation of those seeking a share of federal generosity.
President of the Senate Stuart adams will look for treats like Gandalf the Gray, effortlessly and effectively leading his community of senators through the spooky forest filled with protesters, lobbyists and members of the House.
Leader of the minority in the Senate Karen mayne is Flo, the spokesperson for Progressive Insurance, reminding everyone that a unique style of determination and relentless seriousness succeeds.
Minority leader Brian king is the cartoon character Underdog, fighting for the right of the opposition to oppose anything, anytime, no matter what.
Statutory auditor Jean Dougall returns again as Baby Yoda, eliminating the poor performance of the state government.
The former senator Trappe d’Orrin is the big pumpkin. We know he’s there and we have fond memories of it, but there were no sightings and we wish him good luck.
Pignanelli & Webb will dress again as a couple of potted plants, reflecting both their intelligence and personality.
Republican LaVarr Webb is a political consultant and lobbyist. Email: [email protected]. Democrat Frank Pignanelli is a lawyer, lobbyist and political advisor in Salt Lake. Email: [email protected].
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